Over the rainbow

It's Friday 7th Feb. Already?!
We've yet to have snow this year, usually we have had some by now.. but no sign so far.
As I sit on my lovely sofa, my cat Ziggy sits next to me, sunbathing; his eyes closed and his ears all pink.

I have already been out this morning. I had my psychologist appointment at 10.30am.
 My experience of this support has been mainly good. I started going in the summer last year (2013) and my appointments were fortnightly. My initial referral was made because I was having great difficulty with the psychological effect from having Hodgkin's. It has really helped me by talking to someone professionally.
From discussing my feelings and thoughts on my experiences, other feelings and difficulties would often come to the forefront and this would be very hard - emotionally. I would often leave the sessions with all my make up cried off! I think one week I went with no make up and ended up not crying. Typical! ;)
I find my mental health much harder to write about! There's so much I want to say but I am scared to, fear of judgement I guess.Writing about cancer was easier... writing about weight loss - also easier.
I think the reason for this, is that there is still a huge stigma attached to it. I can talk to people about my difficulties with depression and anxiety and when I do, it is very common that someone will say they have the same problems or at least similar. So why do we hide away?
Yesterday this link was all over Facebook and Twitter and remains to be - probably for a while.
http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/
Here, people all over the UK are making a pledge, opening up the conversation about mental health. I have made my pledge - to write more about my mental health and this blog entry is a start :)

Today, my psychologist signed me off! I have acquired so many tools from the sessions and have a better outlook on things surrounding my journey with cancer, but also to help my depression, anxiety difficulties and general wellbeing.

Things I am using to help me continue my current good wellbeing - at home but also at work.

*Mindfulness -  continue to refer to a fab book 'Mindful Compassion' By Paul Gilbert & Choden
*Relaxation - breathing techniques and meditation
*Saying NO to things I really don't want to do
*Maintain my protection area - this could be going for a walk regularly, talking with a friend, having 30 mins quiet time to think - it is important to do these things even if the mind feels busy, or I feel stressed and 'too tired to do that now'
*Being aware of physical changes in the body and understanding why they might be there - i.e. Hot face, red cheeks - are often a sign I am too hot! :)  I get warm easily and quickly! But it can also mean I feel uncomfortable or anxious. Using this awareness to understand my reactions helps to counteract the emotions and find a way to overcome difficult moments - combining this with the protection area mentioned above
*Be honest about my feelings if I am not satisfied/upset/angry, rather than hide the upset - it always comes back and often comes back worse!
* Put my needs first

For me to share this is a huge thing and even when I click 'publish' I will possibly still be unsure!

Leaving the hospital today, I felt like I was taking a step forward into a new chapter.
The sun was shining and I looked around feeling fresh and new.
I looked into the sky and there was a huge rainbow! It was amazing and put a huge smile on my face.

I hope that's a sign for me..... :)

thank you for reading xx

Been a while!

My last blog entry was back in November when I was celebrating my 2 years of being in remission. I felt like writing an update today :)

Recently I have been reading blog entries by my good friend Mark Winterbourne who is currently writing about his journey as he takes part in Leeds' Largest Loser. Mark is doing exceptionally well!You can read about it here.

I have also been reading Jill's blog. Jill has just started chemo for treating Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The same disease I had. It reminds me very much of my own blog that I wrote when I was in the same situation. Here is Jill's blog :)

Unfortunately though, some how, all my photos have disappeared from my blog, it's a huge job to go through it all and try to repair the damage :( But the main information is there for anyone to read who needs it and with 38,367 page views over it's lifetime it seems it has proved interesting reading. Yay.

So, what's happening with me then...
Well! I remain 2 stone 11 lbs lighter - after I joined Slimming World in June 2013. Reaching my target in the November I was ecstatic! Naturally once a target is hit, it's about maintaining that weight - not gaining! In my case, my body seemed to crave the healthy eating way and I continued to lose. This meant I fell out of range - when you hit target you must remain within 3pounds of target - above and below. If you do move out of the range, you have 1 weeks grace to get back on track. If after that week you are still out of range, you have to start paying again. I continued to lose, and it seemed that my body was trying to tell me it wanted more weight off.
 I therefore moved my target (SW stipulate it has to be at least 7lbs when moving target amount) and happily continued to eat the Slimming World way. Which I genuinely love!
On Thursday I hit my second target and I have now lost a total of 3stone 4lbs. Chuffed to bits!

I now weigh 12 stone 7lbs which is the lightest I have been as an adult.
According to BMI healthy weight calculator - I am still 'heavy' for my height though! Look at this!

BMI wants me to lose another 13lbs. I am classed as overweight?!!
I know many of you will have thoughts on BMI - I am intrigued. Please comment on my FB link.

Aside from the weight loss. Things are good. My mental health is much improved after working on my anxiety and depression through mindful compassion, which is something I am trying to do more and more - I want to be at the stage with this where it is second nature to me. It's not easy but it's my latest challenge.
I am now seeing my psychologist monthly. She is happy with my progress. As am I!

I continue to be creative as and when the moment takes me - which is really nice.
I have made some baby mobiles for friends - not for myself I may add (- yet!)

Anthony and I are really enjoying making our home 'ours' and we have recently decorated the living room and landing. We are waiting for Spring so we can start our decking in the back garden, as most of you know I am a garden lover and love being outdoors 'playing out'. Anthony bought me some fab ankle wellies as part of my birthday present. They're perfect for getting out in the mud :)

hope to blog again soon

thank you for reading xxx