On March 30th 2011 I was trying to process the news that I had cancer.
To read those words back is still surreal even now.
They say you don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. This is so true. I was brave because I had to be. I was scared too.
I started to write a blog the day after I found out the news. I wrote about chemotherapy, hair loss, weight gain, anything I was thinking about that I wanted to share. It was like therapy and it saved me a lot of heart ache repeating things to everyone who wanted to know how I was.
I gained a lot of blog followers online, some became online friends, some I met up with and some I still chat to even now.
I read that blog now and some of it makes me cringe, some of it helps and some of it I can't even look at so I skim passed it.
I am still a member of the Hodgkin's Lymphoma support page that I joined when I was diagnosed. I see people joining the page each day, week and month, with all the worries I had. I give back with support now and again, but mainly, I try enjoy being free of any thoughts about it.
I balance my days with work and creativity. I still work in education, supporting children with emotional and behavioural difficulties. I love my job. I now work closer to home which has dramatically improved my energy levels and wellbeing.
My creativity flows through many things, I love to draw, paint, sew, garden and photograph nature.
I have more energy to do things, but this has only just become possible in the last 6-9 months. From 2011 until 2015 there was a constant struggle with fatigue. It felt like things would never go back to the way they were; always on the go, seeing everyone, doing everything I wanted without questioning if it would tire me out. But I had to accept that I would never go back to the old me. Instead, I changed the way I did things and became a new me.
I continue to look after my mental health as much as any other part of my health. The mind is something that many people don't have to think about caring for, very lucky if you are one of those people. I have a support bandage for mine in the form of medication. It's like a sore knee, work it too hard it becomes painful, but with support and care, it gets better.
Unfortunately we still live in a society where mental health is a taboo subject. I'm not afraid to say I suffer with depression. I get confused reactions from people, 'how can someone so smiley can be depressed?' 'But you're better now?'
I am very lucky to have a loving Husband who understands, is patient and cherishes me no matter what.
Anthony and I will soon be celebrating our first wedding anniversary. We are enjoying married life and continue to develop our home and garden together. This year we have plans to add more to our garden and nurture our surroundings. Ziggy, our cat, continues to let us own him. He currently sits on the arm of the sofa sulking because he can't get onto my lap. It's a hard life isnt it?
Simple things make me happy and I will look at the pretty things around me and focus on all I have achieved. Forwards not backwards.
And maybe a coffee with a slab of cake. Yeah!
Thank you to all my friends and family who continue to support me xxx love you lots xxx
