When I was first depressed in 2009, I didn't know it. I was extremely sad and down beat, but I just thought it was one of those weeks and next week or tomorrow would be better. It wasn't. I would still fester on the same things that were hurting me and the situations surrounding me that made me feel lost. I found a way to exist with depression - but looking back, if I knew what the signs were I would have gone to the doctors a lot sooner. 'Cheer up', 'you'll be ok', and the embarrassment of feeling so low and being so anxious to even explain yto someone why I felt the way I did, stopped me from getting out of the dark place.
The sudden loss of a good friendship - someone who couldn't deal with my mood, obsessive thoughts and crying - was a signal to me that I was in a bit deep. Not everyone is made to deal with high emotion and it's too much for them to cope and endure. It hurt me that this was their choice and it still does a bit now, but that's life I guess. Plus, It's in the past.
In the months that followed, events in my life brought exciting times which dampened down the hurt, but it never went away.
In 2010, I went to see my GP. She was quick to tell me that the things I was saying to her and the way I was feeling, wasn't good mental health and that I was indeed depressed. I was given the option to take anti-depressants, but didn't straight away. After giving it great thought, I did decide to go for a very low dose of Citalopram.
I was referred for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and began sessions relatively quickly. CBT is a talking therapy which helps you manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave. I found it really helpful and would do my 'homework' that was set, often writing a diary and assessing my own thoughts on things. It took me 4- 6 months to break out of this cycle of unhelpful thinking. Most people who meet me can't ever see how I suffer from depression - but this is the clever mask! The mind is a clever thing and tricks your own thoughts to thinking, 'I'm fine!'
My cancer diagnosis came 6 - 8 months (in 2011) after I had discovered how to manage my depression and of course this news did have an impact on it. I was still on anti depressants and so the dose was increased to help me deal with the emotional impact. But after cancer and into my recovery I slipped again and this time I turned to food as my friend. I comfort ate and I became dependant and almost addicted to the buzz and pleasure of sugary, fatty foods. The vicious cycle was in full force and with weight gain came more depressed feelings. Lack of interest and care for myself led to more eating and soon enough I was more miserable then was to start with.
Thankfully, I was able to find some strength and broke out of the cycle, somehow! It felt like the most impossible thing to do at the time. But encouragement from family and my Fiance kept me going and I took the right path which leads me to where I am today.
I guess my reason for writing this blog is to share the signs and symptoms of depression with you, from my story but also from the commonly recognised list....
Depression symptoms cover a wide swath of moods, emotions and behaviours that vary from person to person and range from mild to severe. They include:
I monitor and control my well being now. I know my slipping point and my own signs. I know what I need to keep on top of to make sure things don't go back there.
I do still take anti-depressants, something which sadly some do frown upon. We still have a long way to go before everyone will understand.
'It's a plaster for the brain' - once said by my good friend Sarah.
If you have a sore leg, you put a support bandage on it. My tablets are a support bandage for my mental health.
If you know someone who is struggling, (they may not be depressed... or depressed to your knowledge or even their own) sometimes a hug says all that needs to be said. Someone who is feeling down doesn't necessarily need all the answers to their problems from words you will say there and then. They just need to know someone cares.
In 2010, I went to see my GP. She was quick to tell me that the things I was saying to her and the way I was feeling, wasn't good mental health and that I was indeed depressed. I was given the option to take anti-depressants, but didn't straight away. After giving it great thought, I did decide to go for a very low dose of Citalopram.
I was referred for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and began sessions relatively quickly. CBT is a talking therapy which helps you manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave. I found it really helpful and would do my 'homework' that was set, often writing a diary and assessing my own thoughts on things. It took me 4- 6 months to break out of this cycle of unhelpful thinking. Most people who meet me can't ever see how I suffer from depression - but this is the clever mask! The mind is a clever thing and tricks your own thoughts to thinking, 'I'm fine!'
My cancer diagnosis came 6 - 8 months (in 2011) after I had discovered how to manage my depression and of course this news did have an impact on it. I was still on anti depressants and so the dose was increased to help me deal with the emotional impact. But after cancer and into my recovery I slipped again and this time I turned to food as my friend. I comfort ate and I became dependant and almost addicted to the buzz and pleasure of sugary, fatty foods. The vicious cycle was in full force and with weight gain came more depressed feelings. Lack of interest and care for myself led to more eating and soon enough I was more miserable then was to start with.
Thankfully, I was able to find some strength and broke out of the cycle, somehow! It felt like the most impossible thing to do at the time. But encouragement from family and my Fiance kept me going and I took the right path which leads me to where I am today.
I guess my reason for writing this blog is to share the signs and symptoms of depression with you, from my story but also from the commonly recognised list....
- Loss of interest and pleasure in normal activities
- Irritability
- Agitation or restlessness
- Decreased concentration
- Insomnia or excessive sleeping
- Eating too much or too little
- Chronic fatigue and lethargy
- Unexplainable crying spells
- Unexplainable physical symptoms such as headaches or body aches
- Feeling hopeless and worthless
- Withdrawal from social situations and normal activities
- Thoughts of death
- In extreme cases, hallucinations and delusions
I monitor and control my well being now. I know my slipping point and my own signs. I know what I need to keep on top of to make sure things don't go back there.
I do still take anti-depressants, something which sadly some do frown upon. We still have a long way to go before everyone will understand.
'It's a plaster for the brain' - once said by my good friend Sarah.
If you have a sore leg, you put a support bandage on it. My tablets are a support bandage for my mental health.
If you know someone who is struggling, (they may not be depressed... or depressed to your knowledge or even their own) sometimes a hug says all that needs to be said. Someone who is feeling down doesn't necessarily need all the answers to their problems from words you will say there and then. They just need to know someone cares.
No comments:
Post a Comment